You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
