she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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