I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
