So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So many bounce houses so little time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
