I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
