I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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