You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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