I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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