I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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