Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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