I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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