if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize