look no pants
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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