Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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