i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
