Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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