There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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