I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
