Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
