i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
