Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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