I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
