tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
