I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
