phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
