i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
