My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
