you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have demons in me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
