my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
