The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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