we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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