i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
