i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
