Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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