They should really pass out barf bags in church
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
mondays should just be called national damage control day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
