so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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