I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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