fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
