I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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