can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
