somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
