I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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