Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
