Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
