goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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