Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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