awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize