I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
