We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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