the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
