i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
