so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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