The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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