two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
