how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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