I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
