I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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