her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
