I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
