I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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