Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
