just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize