Soap is not a condiment
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
