I heard we made out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize