...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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