Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
