Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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