i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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